Especially for the smiles.

Three year old girl sits in the hands of phonendoscope:.
- I catch a fish!.
Mom:.
- This is for the doctor!.
- Okay, I'm a doctor. What bothers you?.
- Sore throat. Can you help?.
- I can not.
- Why?.
- I catch a fish.

Cherepashonok trying to climb a palm tree, but it does not work. It is hard climbs, falls, scratches the shell, again climbs, falls, pinch the tail, climbs back up, breaking the nail on the left paw, the last effort to cling to the bark with his teeth, trying to catch up, scratching paws on the trunk.
For those trying to watch a couple of monkeys.
- I think - said one - it's time we tell him that we adopted him!.

- Cheburashka, can you hear me?.
- Gene, well, look at me. Of course, I can hear you!.

A lady goes to the doctor:.
- Doctor, I now decided to undergo preventive treatment, tell me that I treat?.
- Well, for starters, you must go to the beautician, because of the poor appearance of you spend a lot of money on cosmetics.
- Yes, you are absolutely right.
- Also, go to a nutritionist, you have a lot of excess weight.
- Good.
- Yes! .
- And this is with what you have?.
- Yes, I have big letters on the door says ...

What is your name?.
Anastasia.
What a long name! . And in short it is impossible?.
Ira.

Note to motorists. In order to conduct the most comprehensive and.
comprehensive diagnosis of your car for free,.
enough to drive any car market to dealers and offer them.
buy your car.

To me, Santa Claus arrived yesterday....
Yes, all this garbage, it is not real.
- This, I checked.
- What is it?.
- I asked him - how much is Maiden at night, and he said - a hundred bucks. We immediately see that out of the woods - the price - it does not know a damn.

People with a lot of money, the police or guards, or looking for.

wife:.
- With her husband, we live in perfect harmony, everything on the wonderful: no swearing, no quarrel. full idyll. And all because of what I 'm doing just what I have written in the horoscope for today.
husband:.
- With his wife have all right. Because she decided to live strictly according to the sign. Subscribed to the newsletter. I was learned about this, broke her mail and was up to her own horoscope.

- Monya, do you think about, to his wife?.
- How to find our power. A little bit afraid, a little love, a little like the other.

- Why the new century begins with the 2001 year, and not from 2000?.
- Because the new box begins with the twenty- first bottle, and the previous one ends at the twentieth!.

The young actor returned late in the evening to his wife and says:.
- Finally I was given the role of. Finally, a chance to show his acting talent. However, the director warned that a role is small and without a word. But in the great ' Hamlet ', Shakespeare's great! .

In Russia there is freedom of speech, but nowhere is it written that you should be at liberty after the spoken words.

Anchorman: The.
- You'll laugh, but in our country again, a disaster.

Nutritionists say that cow's milk prolongs life. A butchers added: ...

At night, the son calls his mother:.
- Mom! .
Self - rise and napeysya!.
- Mom, well, bring it!.
- Will you moan, I will give the belt!.
Well, that's going to get up for the belt and bring water! .

Yesterday morning the street was -40 - in the morning I have a stuffy nose. This morning on the street -42. I woke up, I laid an ear. Damn, I have that chump insulated and holes Terminates?.

Mothers at a note. Too hot water bath in the nursery allows children to speak in half a year earlier.

deep night. Call the police.
- Hello! . Ha Street G- d -ho-ho....
- On Gorky Street?.
- No, on the street G- d -ho-ho....
And so it is repeated several times. Ment clears the call. Again, call a little later:.
- Here on the street is a dead horse. Ha Street G- d -ho-ho....
- On Gorky Street?.
- Yes, I dragged her there.

Kashchei Immortal banging with Ilya Muromets.
Ilya has already exhausted, languid fighting, yelling Kashchei:.
- You do not zabesh anyway, my death in eggs!.
strike.
- Ooooh, shit, but not in this.

Her husband suddenly decided to visit his wife on a business trip. He came immediately climbed into bed, rough sex, violent orgasm. Because of the wall screams:.
- Well, be quiet, please! .

I bought my mother 's daughter 'live' yoghurt, brought home, put in.
refrigerator, got out of the night, yogurt jars, ate soup, sausage,.
took a sip from a bottle of vodka, took a jar and went back to the store!.
That's not the girl tried to yogurt!.

An employee tells his boss:.
- I wish I could get as much as you are only tax.
pay!.
Chef says:.
- Yes, I would be glad too to pay as much taxes,.
how much do you earn!.

Interesting statistics: According to Goskomstat, the fourth- tris residents.
Russian Fedepatsii account for 75 % of the population stpany.

- Where are you as a girl?.
- What do you mean?.
- Well, in the maxillo- facial just do not bring!.
- Are you crazy? .

I asked the lawyer:.
- How do you take?.
- $ 1000 for 3 questions.
- So expensive!.
- Yes. And what will be your third question?.

- Jora, yesterday I saw that the house where your mother-in-law lived, was a hearse. You that to be congratulated?.
- Oh, no! .

The commander of the soldiers drilled on the parade ground. Then right -to-one and asks:.
- Private, why do you have an earring in one ear?.
- Sorry, Comrade Major, I forgot to pull out!.
- It 's not you, and your father forgot to pull out.

Traffic cop stops the car and asked the driver to lay claim.
The driver, oochen like a man, right handed, in which.
Maria Ivanovna Sidorova was listed.
- The rights of other people's driving? .
- Why do other people's? .
- Data sheet! .
The light is extracted to the data sheet Sidorova M. and.
- That -a -ak. - Ohrenevshy policeman said, looking at the driver - Well,.
take off your pants!.
After much wrangling the driver takes off his pants and is under.
two - man guy. Policeman is a.
- Oh Well bitch! .
- Ah, Comrade Sergeant, some x.
documents - no!.



Exam in medical school. examiner:.
- And now, girl, what can you say about the male sexual organ?.
- I really do not know. I thought it was a bone of a 25 cm long.
- Hmmm. Well, what is the bone - you really felt, and the rest were just lucky!.

' Wow! ' .
' Oh -ho-ho! ' .

A journalist discovers a farmer, why mad cow disease.
He stares at her and says:.
- Did you know that the bull naprygivaet per cow every year?.
- Assume. well, what have it?.
- Did you know that we are milking cows, four times a day?.
- Valuable information, but.
- Well, that's if I squeezed your tits four times a day, and tra % al least once a year, you would not have gone mad?.

What phrases do not want to hear, lying on the operating table:.
Plaque - fly!.
- Anybody seen my watch?.
- And the hell I was yesterday, so get drunk?.
- What kind of idiot ripped from the instruction 5 pages?.
- Give! .
- Yeah! .
- To push! .
- Sister! . her. uuu. well this is. your mother.
- So, a colleague. If this appendix, then here is that the garbage?.
- Damn, contagion, again there is no light!.
All - ago! .
- Nothing, learn from mistakes.

A woman to her friend and says:.
- I do not know what to do with my husband,.
snores all the time, and has traveled to Moscow.
and professors turned, nothing helps.
girlfriend:.
- And that the convergence of Yegor grandfather, he lives on the edge of the village.
he knows what to do.
Then the woman went to his grandfather Yegor, has told all.
Grandfather Egor and says:.
- When the husband starts snoring flip him on his back,.
push the feet, the eggs will fall in the ass, thrust not - heating it.